from Crappette
to M, Al, Jojo
date Dec 4, 2007 4:47 PM
subject how I roll
Oh dear. Sorry to be MIA but I have been waiting for a chance to regale you with my 2-hour saga of international intrigue this morning, to be cited in the future if you guys ever think I'm NOT crazy. I have broken it down into bullet points for your convenience - and let me preface with the caveats that (a) NO, I was not drunk, and (b) YES, this really did happen.
Highlights of saga are as follows:
-Trying to take an illegal shortcut to avoid traffic
-Getting my car stuck in sand lot, blocked in by like 40 other cars, because of said shortcut
-Having a panic attack because I couldn't get out and was late for work; almost calling R and speaking to him in tones only dogs can hear in a plea for him to leave work and come help me (R should be thrilled the rest of the story unfolded as it did)
-Getting approached by an old Arab man passing by who offered to help me, got behind the wheel, and succeeded in extricating my car
-Being told by old Arab man that he was "American," rhinestone American flag lapel pin proffered as evidence
-Assuming he meant "American" in the ironic "Ich bin Berliner" kind of way, since he was soooooooooo FOB Arab
-Finding out (with conference program and picture to prove it) that he was not only a US citizen but also (doh!) the former US ambassador to Bahrain; in fact, he was the first-ever Arab-born US ambassador (Lebanese, obvi)
-Giving him a ride across town since he had been so nice helping me get my car unstuck (and, um, since he's a former ambassador)
-Getting really lost trying to get him to where he was going; pursuing a variety of other illegal shortcuts/traffic cuts, including one which actually caused him to grab my thigh (!) in disbelief at my driving
-Listening, during our ample time in my Hyundai, to the highlights of his ambassadorial career
-Discovering that through some kind of bizarre diplomatic connection, he has a close personal relationship with Lee Greenwood, singer of my FAVORITE ever country music song, "Proud to be an American," and that Lee Greenwood apparently performed this song at his house in Bahrain with Bob Hope backing him up on piano, leaving "not a dry eye in the room"
-Singing through the first verse of aforementioned song with him ("If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life / and I had to start again, with just my children and my wife / I'd thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today, 'cause the flag still stands for freedom, and they can't take that awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... / [chorus] And I'm proud to be an American! / where at least I know I'm free / and I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me / and I'd gladly STAND UP next to you and defend her still today / 'cause there ain't no doubt I love this land / God bless the USA!!!!!!!!!!!") [NB. I just typed those lyrics from memory. Respect.]
-Realizing, "Wow, this is my life. Driving through Dubai with the Lebanese-American former ambassador to Bahrain, singing a country song that I used to have to sing every morning of 4th grade in Tennessee, right after the Pledge of Allegiance. Huh."
-Dropping him off, going to work, Googling him, and learning that not only had he run for a Republican Senate seat in Colorado (ew), but that he had been charged with fraud for accepting $7 million from the Kuwaiti government to convince the US administration to enter the first Gulf War in 1990 ( double ew)
And that, my little Sh.I.T.s, is how I roll.
