from Crappette
to M, Al, Jojo
date Dec 4, 2007 4:47 PM
subject how I roll
Oh dear. Sorry to be MIA but I have been waiting for a chance to regale you with my 2-hour saga of international intrigue this morning, to be cited in the future if you guys ever think I'm NOT crazy. I have broken it down into bullet points for your convenience - and let me preface with the caveats that (a) NO, I was not drunk, and (b) YES, this really did happen.
Highlights of saga are as follows:
-Trying to take an illegal shortcut to avoid traffic
-Getting my car stuck in sand lot, blocked in by like 40 other cars, because of said shortcut
-Having a panic attack because I couldn't get out and was late for work; almost calling R and speaking to him in tones only dogs can hear in a plea for him to leave work and come help me (R should be thrilled the rest of the story unfolded as it did)
-Getting approached by an old Arab man passing by who offered to help me, got behind the wheel, and succeeded in extricating my car
-Being told by old Arab man that he was "American," rhinestone American flag lapel pin proffered as evidence
-Assuming he meant "American" in the ironic "Ich bin Berliner" kind of way, since he was soooooooooo FOB Arab
-Finding out (with conference program and picture to prove it) that he was not only a US citizen but also (doh!) the former US ambassador to Bahrain; in fact, he was the first-ever Arab-born US ambassador (Lebanese, obvi)
-Giving him a ride across town since he had been so nice helping me get my car unstuck (and, um, since he's a former ambassador)
-Getting really lost trying to get him to where he was going; pursuing a variety of other illegal shortcuts/traffic cuts, including one which actually caused him to grab my thigh (!) in disbelief at my driving
-Listening, during our ample time in my Hyundai, to the highlights of his ambassadorial career
-Discovering that through some kind of bizarre diplomatic connection, he has a close personal relationship with Lee Greenwood, singer of my FAVORITE ever country music song, "Proud to be an American," and that Lee Greenwood apparently performed this song at his house in Bahrain with Bob Hope backing him up on piano, leaving "not a dry eye in the room"
-Singing through the first verse of aforementioned song with him ("If tomorrow all the things were gone I'd worked for all my life / and I had to start again, with just my children and my wife / I'd thank my lucky stars to be livin' here today, 'cause the flag still stands for freedom, and they can't take that awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... / [chorus] And I'm proud to be an American! / where at least I know I'm free / and I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me / and I'd gladly STAND UP next to you and defend her still today / 'cause there ain't no doubt I love this land / God bless the USA!!!!!!!!!!!") [NB. I just typed those lyrics from memory. Respect.]
-Realizing, "Wow, this is my life. Driving through Dubai with the Lebanese-American former ambassador to Bahrain, singing a country song that I used to have to sing every morning of 4th grade in Tennessee, right after the Pledge of Allegiance. Huh."
-Dropping him off, going to work, Googling him, and learning that not only had he run for a Republican Senate seat in Colorado (ew), but that he had been charged with fraud for accepting $7 million from the Kuwaiti government to convince the US administration to enter the first Gulf War in 1990 ( double ew)
And that, my little Sh.I.T.s, is how I roll.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Oh Hai!
First of all, if you don't get the title reference, read this and then get on board. Kthanxbye.
Okay yes so it's been a while. Mostly, I've been insanely busy with work because I got pulled from my normal duties to work on a "hidden project" (oh, mistranslations) - basically sorting out and wrapping up this krazy deal that my company got itself roped into as a result of a well-intentioned but misguided effort to ensure that a certain huge new development goes to Dubai, not Abu Dhabi. (Because that would be haram like you cannot even believe. Srsly.)
Anyhow, it's super interesting work and is basically like doing a business case study if only the case reflected the way that business is actually done here, as opposed to in the rest of the world... I'm learning a ton about contracts and feasibility studies and project management and inter-emirate politics and best of all, I'm off to LA on Thursday to renegotiate the terms of the deal (well, okay, me and like 9 more senior people from my company) so I have NO complaints.
Everything else has been insane as well, what with Thanksgiving festivities last weekend and then all-you-can-eat-and-drink brunch at Al Qasr, Rugby 7s finals, and National Day celebrations this weekend. Tonight I'm off to Abu Dhabi to go as M's date to some Swedish National Symphony concert she has to schmooze at for work, and then I need to start stalking the Indian consulate to give me my visa for Goa, and then on Thursday begins the 24 hours of travel/48 hours in LA/6 hours of travel/14 hours in NY/14 hours of travel odyssey that will be my next "weekend." Yay!
Okay yes so it's been a while. Mostly, I've been insanely busy with work because I got pulled from my normal duties to work on a "hidden project" (oh, mistranslations) - basically sorting out and wrapping up this krazy deal that my company got itself roped into as a result of a well-intentioned but misguided effort to ensure that a certain huge new development goes to Dubai, not Abu Dhabi. (Because that would be haram like you cannot even believe. Srsly.)
Anyhow, it's super interesting work and is basically like doing a business case study if only the case reflected the way that business is actually done here, as opposed to in the rest of the world... I'm learning a ton about contracts and feasibility studies and project management and inter-emirate politics and best of all, I'm off to LA on Thursday to renegotiate the terms of the deal (well, okay, me and like 9 more senior people from my company) so I have NO complaints.
Everything else has been insane as well, what with Thanksgiving festivities last weekend and then all-you-can-eat-and-drink brunch at Al Qasr, Rugby 7s finals, and National Day celebrations this weekend. Tonight I'm off to Abu Dhabi to go as M's date to some Swedish National Symphony concert she has to schmooze at for work, and then I need to start stalking the Indian consulate to give me my visa for Goa, and then on Thursday begins the 24 hours of travel/48 hours in LA/6 hours of travel/14 hours in NY/14 hours of travel odyssey that will be my next "weekend." Yay!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
View From the Top
This morning I woke up, looked out the window, and felt for a second like I lived in San Francisco:
It's been really foggy every morning this week, but today I couldn't see anything below the top of Emirates Towers... pretty cool, huh?
The funniest part was that from my vantage point on the 39th floor, the sky was blue and the sun was shining - but then an elevator ride down and a step outside revealed that the "real world" below me was cloudy and sunless. I like the idea of inhabiting my own climate zone - like living in a rainforest canopy or something.
And while I'm at it, some other random pictures from lately...
At R's friend Adel's engagement party.
I wish that pictures could convey how incredibly sexy and cool everyone at this party was (including the lucky couple, above).
Someday, I will be Lebanese-Palestinian. And I will look that cool whilst being lifted up on people's shoulders at my engagement party, dancing with my husband-to-be to Nancy Ajram. And I will forget, just for a moment, how very white and Anglo-Saxon I am.
Um... I'm dating a fitness model, what?!
(At a certain point during the party, R and I slipped down to the lobby of Emirates Towers to check out his gym ad campaign... okay but no he's not an ACTUAL fitness model, he did it as a favor to a friend... and no, the earth isn't REALLY calling you...)
From our weekend in Abu Dhabi - the Sheikh Zayed Mosque, second-biggest mosque in the world (after Mecca) and home to the world's largest carpet. No, really.
View from our hotel pool deck - me feat. the SZ mosque.
Inside the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi... if you recognize it, it's because it's featured in "The Kingdom" as a Saudi palace.
It's been really foggy every morning this week, but today I couldn't see anything below the top of Emirates Towers... pretty cool, huh?
The funniest part was that from my vantage point on the 39th floor, the sky was blue and the sun was shining - but then an elevator ride down and a step outside revealed that the "real world" below me was cloudy and sunless. I like the idea of inhabiting my own climate zone - like living in a rainforest canopy or something.
And while I'm at it, some other random pictures from lately...
At R's friend Adel's engagement party.
I wish that pictures could convey how incredibly sexy and cool everyone at this party was (including the lucky couple, above).
Someday, I will be Lebanese-Palestinian. And I will look that cool whilst being lifted up on people's shoulders at my engagement party, dancing with my husband-to-be to Nancy Ajram. And I will forget, just for a moment, how very white and Anglo-Saxon I am.
Um... I'm dating a fitness model, what?!
(At a certain point during the party, R and I slipped down to the lobby of Emirates Towers to check out his gym ad campaign... okay but no he's not an ACTUAL fitness model, he did it as a favor to a friend... and no, the earth isn't REALLY calling you...)
From our weekend in Abu Dhabi - the Sheikh Zayed Mosque, second-biggest mosque in the world (after Mecca) and home to the world's largest carpet. No, really.
View from our hotel pool deck - me feat. the SZ mosque.
Inside the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi... if you recognize it, it's because it's featured in "The Kingdom" as a Saudi palace.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Kwality
I've been thinking about the words "quality of life" a lot lately - it's a phrase I hear used a lot when people (especially Western expats) are talking about why you should/shouldn't live in Dubai. I thought about it on Friday, when I spent the day lounging by my pool and getting a ridiculous tan at a time of year when everyone in the States and Europe is pulling out their wool coats and slogging through autumn rain on their way to the subway; I thought about it both mornings this weekend, when I went for balmy 75 F runs on a newly paved trail (paved running trails in Dubai - shoo?!) that stretches several miles along white sand beaches that border the sparkling blue Gulf.
But I also thought about it on Thursday night, when I drove to pick Al up from work at 5 PM to go to a 6 PM yoga class about 2 miles away from her office and at 6:20 PM we were still sitting in traffic, 400 meters away from where we had been 80 minutes ago; I thought about it this morning driving to work when I not only got run out of the fast lane by a brights-flashing, Emirati-driven Benz, but had to swerve sharply to the right as I moved lanes because the driver swung into my space to teach me a lesson about not getting over sooner. (Let it be noted that I was going well over 160 kmph when this happened, which I think is at least 90 mph.)
So that's the question: what do you highlight when you're talking about quality of life in a place, the things you love or the things that fill you with rage? I guess every city has its ups and downs on that subject, but in Dubai they're so extreme that when you're entrenched in the goods, they seem to completely outweigh the bads ("but I am lounging in my infinity-edge rooftop pool, and next week it is Thanksgiving!"), and when you're wrapped up in the bads, it seems like there could never possibly be any redeeming qualities to the place (75 F November sun aside).
So. I guess it depends which mood you catch me in - as with many things. ;-)
That's really all I have to update on, not much else is new - work is work, and things have been quiet lately with R in Canada and M & J both having parents in town to visit (ahem, Schmom and Dad). So I'm enjoying the simple pleasure of an evening that entailed working late, running, Bikram, and now an avocado milkshake and "Sleepless in Seattle" (on a Lebanese satellite channel, go figure) in my bed. Which, really, kind of makes me sound like I'm a functional adult and not the monkey I've been for the past 4 months... don't worry, I'm sure it won't last long.
But I also thought about it on Thursday night, when I drove to pick Al up from work at 5 PM to go to a 6 PM yoga class about 2 miles away from her office and at 6:20 PM we were still sitting in traffic, 400 meters away from where we had been 80 minutes ago; I thought about it this morning driving to work when I not only got run out of the fast lane by a brights-flashing, Emirati-driven Benz, but had to swerve sharply to the right as I moved lanes because the driver swung into my space to teach me a lesson about not getting over sooner. (Let it be noted that I was going well over 160 kmph when this happened, which I think is at least 90 mph.)
So that's the question: what do you highlight when you're talking about quality of life in a place, the things you love or the things that fill you with rage? I guess every city has its ups and downs on that subject, but in Dubai they're so extreme that when you're entrenched in the goods, they seem to completely outweigh the bads ("but I am lounging in my infinity-edge rooftop pool, and next week it is Thanksgiving!"), and when you're wrapped up in the bads, it seems like there could never possibly be any redeeming qualities to the place (75 F November sun aside).
So. I guess it depends which mood you catch me in - as with many things. ;-)
That's really all I have to update on, not much else is new - work is work, and things have been quiet lately with R in Canada and M & J both having parents in town to visit (ahem, Schmom and Dad). So I'm enjoying the simple pleasure of an evening that entailed working late, running, Bikram, and now an avocado milkshake and "Sleepless in Seattle" (on a Lebanese satellite channel, go figure) in my bed. Which, really, kind of makes me sound like I'm a functional adult and not the monkey I've been for the past 4 months... don't worry, I'm sure it won't last long.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Country Roads Take Me Home (And Then, Take Me To India)
I've fiiiiinally gotten around to making my plans for the holidays, and all I can say is three cheers for Christmas + Eid Al Adha + New Year's all rolled into one. I'll be traveling for 18 days and I only have to take 9 of them off work - not bad for a country where 25 December is a normal work day.
The agenda:
-19 to 28 December in Nashville (a 30-hour journey there and a 30-hour journey back - I'm paying for my ticket-purchase procrastination with a bit of globe-circumnavigation and some scintillating layovers in Zurich and Chicago)
-29 December back in Dubai for a friend's Lebanese-Jordanian wedding (which, if it's anything like the Lebanese-Palestinian engagement party I attended this weekend, will be a veritable festival of plastic surgery, Nancy Ajram music, and couture gowns reminiscent of 1980s-era American prom dresses... but also insanely good food and intensely hot dancing)
-30 December to 5 January in Goa (beachy southern Indian province famous for its Portuguese influences and krazy nightlife, for those who don't live right around the corner from the Subcontinent the way I do)
So unfortunately, there will not be as much Seeing of The American Friends as I had hoped when I was planning to pass through New York, but I encourage anyone who has some extra airline miles burning a hole through their account to think about coming to Goa, as we have 2 entire villas (free!) thanks to the generosity of a friend's friend who owns some property there. You know you want to "Go Goa!" (or maybe you don't, if you don't have to listen to that annoying Indian Tourism Board jingle on CNN International every morning).
Aaaaaaanyhoo, time to leave work for Flatmate Schnitzel, which is not as dirty as it sounds but rather, consists of Javs cooking Argentinean-style veal schnitzel and E & me pouring wine and eating it. Adios!
The agenda:
-19 to 28 December in Nashville (a 30-hour journey there and a 30-hour journey back - I'm paying for my ticket-purchase procrastination with a bit of globe-circumnavigation and some scintillating layovers in Zurich and Chicago)
-29 December back in Dubai for a friend's Lebanese-Jordanian wedding (which, if it's anything like the Lebanese-Palestinian engagement party I attended this weekend, will be a veritable festival of plastic surgery, Nancy Ajram music, and couture gowns reminiscent of 1980s-era American prom dresses... but also insanely good food and intensely hot dancing)
-30 December to 5 January in Goa (beachy southern Indian province famous for its Portuguese influences and krazy nightlife, for those who don't live right around the corner from the Subcontinent the way I do)
So unfortunately, there will not be as much Seeing of The American Friends as I had hoped when I was planning to pass through New York, but I encourage anyone who has some extra airline miles burning a hole through their account to think about coming to Goa, as we have 2 entire villas (free!) thanks to the generosity of a friend's friend who owns some property there. You know you want to "Go Goa!" (or maybe you don't, if you don't have to listen to that annoying Indian Tourism Board jingle on CNN International every morning).
Aaaaaaanyhoo, time to leave work for Flatmate Schnitzel, which is not as dirty as it sounds but rather, consists of Javs cooking Argentinean-style veal schnitzel and E & me pouring wine and eating it. Adios!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Happy Diwali!
Just when the Ramadan/little Eid festivities had died down, and just before the big Eid festivities get started, it's time for Diwali, the Hindu (but also Sikh and Jain) "Festival of Lights" celebrated by the 80% of Dubai's population that hails from South Asia.
To be filed under "another reason why I love my new project," we had massive Diwali celebrations at the office yesterday and this afternoon I went to my colleague A's house for chai, Indian sweets, and an awesome Indian dance performance by his wife. Too fun.
Some shots from the office fete...
Emirati colleage L and Indian colleague S light candles. Yay multiculturalism. (Note the desktop background on the receptionist's computer. The great thing is, neither of the receptionists are even Emirati. I'm telling you, living here just makes you Love Those Sheikhs.)
Lightin' it up. (Note that I'm bathed in a blue glare. That's because someone several years ago said "Hey, wouldn't it be great if we build this office in the shape of a giant globe made of blue glass?!" and thus it was made so. Let me tell you, blue light + 9 hours staring at a computer screen = macular degeneration.)
Traditional candleholder and explanation my Indian-Canadian colleague A printed for our local colleagues, who are sometimes... dismissive of South Asian culture. (But then again, living here can do that to a person.)
The Ethiopian receptionist puts an Indian bindi on the Filipina pantry helper while my Emirati colleague walks by. Honestly, it's like we staged these photos. (We didn't.)
Emirati colleague A and Pakistani boss-man (well, COO) J. One is dressed specially for Diwali, one is wearing exactly what he wears to the office every day... can you guess which is which?
Some of my team. You'll find that there is another white woman in the picture, if you look closely enough.
Okay, that's all for now - off to a bling engagement party at Emirates Towers for a Palestinian-Lebanese couple R knows from Canada. And yes, I'm wearing a fabulous second-hand Catherine Malandrino dress that I got from the Emirati "thrift store." I heart Dubai.
To be filed under "another reason why I love my new project," we had massive Diwali celebrations at the office yesterday and this afternoon I went to my colleague A's house for chai, Indian sweets, and an awesome Indian dance performance by his wife. Too fun.
Some shots from the office fete...
Emirati colleage L and Indian colleague S light candles. Yay multiculturalism. (Note the desktop background on the receptionist's computer. The great thing is, neither of the receptionists are even Emirati. I'm telling you, living here just makes you Love Those Sheikhs.)
Lightin' it up. (Note that I'm bathed in a blue glare. That's because someone several years ago said "Hey, wouldn't it be great if we build this office in the shape of a giant globe made of blue glass?!" and thus it was made so. Let me tell you, blue light + 9 hours staring at a computer screen = macular degeneration.)
Traditional candleholder and explanation my Indian-Canadian colleague A printed for our local colleagues, who are sometimes... dismissive of South Asian culture. (But then again, living here can do that to a person.)
The Ethiopian receptionist puts an Indian bindi on the Filipina pantry helper while my Emirati colleague walks by. Honestly, it's like we staged these photos. (We didn't.)
Emirati colleague A and Pakistani boss-man (well, COO) J. One is dressed specially for Diwali, one is wearing exactly what he wears to the office every day... can you guess which is which?
Some of my team. You'll find that there is another white woman in the picture, if you look closely enough.
Okay, that's all for now - off to a bling engagement party at Emirates Towers for a Palestinian-Lebanese couple R knows from Canada. And yes, I'm wearing a fabulous second-hand Catherine Malandrino dress that I got from the Emirati "thrift store." I heart Dubai.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Master Cop-Out
I think everyone who reads this will appreciate learning that, in a recent fit of self-loathing over our debaucherous lifestyle and its disastrous impact on our mental/physical well-being (read: waistlines), Al and I decided yesterday that we were going to do the 10-day Master Cleanse fast.
I think you'll appreciate this because - after schlepping through traffic to the organic market to buy the laxative tea and the special maple syrup and dragging my tired ass out of bed early this morning to squeeze lemons and make 3 litres of the crappy drink - I lasted three hours before I caved and started shoving my face with croissants like I had just survived a famine. THREE HOURS! Basically, my drive to work + two hours of sitting at my computer stricken with panic about what I had gotten myself into. (Seriously... my heart was actually racing.)
Let this be a lesson to us all about trying to be something we're not.
Weekend in Abu Dhabi was fab - definitely a good, relatively (relatively!) serene getaway from the insanity of Dubai. Note to self, though: when a hotel in the UAE (where even the most "finished" things are unfinished and a brand-new "Old Town" is being constructed with no irony whatsoever) willingly admits that it is in its "soft opening" stage, think twice about staying there. It wasn't a bad experience so much as a frustrating one, but hopefully by the time the "hard opening" rolls around, they will have enrolled the staff in emergency English classes, halted the 24/7 jackhammering around the pool perimeter, and oh yes, mastered the art of cooking chicken so I don't bite into a raw breast in my sandwich. Ick.
Okay gotta run, off to a late dinner at Irish Village, which - you will all be shocked to learn - is neither Irish nor a village. Bless this place.
I think you'll appreciate this because - after schlepping through traffic to the organic market to buy the laxative tea and the special maple syrup and dragging my tired ass out of bed early this morning to squeeze lemons and make 3 litres of the crappy drink - I lasted three hours before I caved and started shoving my face with croissants like I had just survived a famine. THREE HOURS! Basically, my drive to work + two hours of sitting at my computer stricken with panic about what I had gotten myself into. (Seriously... my heart was actually racing.)
Let this be a lesson to us all about trying to be something we're not.
Weekend in Abu Dhabi was fab - definitely a good, relatively (relatively!) serene getaway from the insanity of Dubai. Note to self, though: when a hotel in the UAE (where even the most "finished" things are unfinished and a brand-new "Old Town" is being constructed with no irony whatsoever) willingly admits that it is in its "soft opening" stage, think twice about staying there. It wasn't a bad experience so much as a frustrating one, but hopefully by the time the "hard opening" rolls around, they will have enrolled the staff in emergency English classes, halted the 24/7 jackhammering around the pool perimeter, and oh yes, mastered the art of cooking chicken so I don't bite into a raw breast in my sandwich. Ick.
Okay gotta run, off to a late dinner at Irish Village, which - you will all be shocked to learn - is neither Irish nor a village. Bless this place.
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