There is No Hate in my Heart Today

The sun is shining and the roads are empty and the cranes are still and I'm working from home in sweatpants in honor of the holiday and the Pakistani delivery guy who brings me my coffee from the cafe downstairs just told me "Eid Mubarak!" when I answered the door (not in a "F you, this is an Islamic country, I'm going to rub it in your face" kind of way but in a sweet, genuinely excited kind of way).

And it kind of feels like Christmas morning, if only Christmas happened on the first perfect day of fall when you wake up and for the first time in 4 months it's not 95F outside, but a breezy 80 or so.

This place ain't all bad. ;)

So all I have to do today is finish this presentation, go to the Canadian Hospital to get my yellow fever shot (don't ask), and then I'm Uganda-bound tomorrow morning with L, sipping Bloody Marys on our Emirates flight to Addis Ababa where we will pick up the boys, who left a day early thanks to the last-minute holiday declaration and are enjoying a 24-hour layover in Ethiopia en route to Entebbe / Kampala.

Please, Ethiopia for Eid is SO last year... the Horn of Africa is all played out, it's time to go Sub-Saharan. [To be said in the officious tone of the 17 year-old JAP hostess who worked with me at Peacock and told me "David Yurman is all played out, I'm moving on to Bvlgari."]

And with that, back to work!

Eid Mubarak!

Only in the Muslim world...

The Saudi clerics have - in the 11th hour! - finally seen the moon and announced that Eid is tomorrow, thus meaning that today is/was the last day of Ramadan.

To use an ecumenical expression from my own culture, hallelujah! Holy month, we barely knew ye.

But honestly though. Can you imagine not knowing what day Christmas was going to be until 8 PM the night before?

"Should we put out milk and cookies for Santa? NO NO NO, Jerry Falwell hasn't seen the Star of Bethlehem yet! Advent continues!"

Operation Nuevo Thunderbolt

Long time no update! Back from Singapore, you know the drill, check out the pics on Facebook. It was a great trip, wonderful to see old friends, and definitely fraught with emotion: as much as J & P's marriage does restore my faith in loving, healthy, functional partnerships, it also makes me realize how faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar I am from that point in my life - I cannot even put enough "a"s in "far" to express that to you.

So yeah, back in Dubai, trying to end my fight with this city which should be a lot easier once (a) the weather cools down, and (b) Ramadan ends. I have faith (but not proof) that both things will happen soon. This weekend we went to the Aquaventure water park at the new Atlantis resort (yes, brought to you by the same people who created that famous high school spring break haven in the Bahamas) on the Palm. It was fun and it kind of reminded me of being in Florida, which was great given my weird cravings for Americana as of late.

Also notable from the weekend was our taxi ride to check out new hotspot Zuma, during which the following conversation occured:

E: Are you from Pakistan?
Taxi Driver: Yes.
E: From where in Pakistan?
Taxi Driver: Peshawar
E: Peshawar, there's lots of terrorists there, huh?
Taxi Driver: Yes.
E: Are you a terrorist?
Taxi Driver: No. But my two brothers are in the army and they were killed in a terrorist attack last week.
E: [stunned silence]
Taxi Driver: You know who is responsible for terrorism in Pakistan? The USA. If the USA wanted, in one month they could get rid of all the terrorists in my country.

Yeah... just your average start to a night out with friends. Honestly though - what a reality check, especially for my oft-documented (although sometimes merited) visciousness to taxi drivers here.

At any rate. I am going to Uganda for 4 days at the end of this week for Eid, which is extremely exciting. We will see either gorillas or waterfalls but probably not both as we don't have a ton of time and we also want to soak up the krazy-bustling-African-capitalness of Kampala. I'm traveling with E, New Blonde American Friend L, and another new American guy friend M, who we like A LOT because he's already assigned us all roles to play in his proposed reenactment of Operation Thunderbolt at the Entebbe airport (I get to be Idi Amin, SCORE!), but who sadly is age-ineligible for a crush because he is Princeton '05 which makes him, like, 12?!

So with that, off to buy malaria pills and and Lonely Planet East Africa during lunch!

Finally!

I would just like to announce that tomorrow night at 8 PM I fly out to Singapore, and thank God for that. Due largely to visa drama (aka, having my passport in the possession of the Saudi & UAE governments for the better part of the past month) I have not left Dubai for 6 weeks.

Yes that's right, 6 weeks. Let me tell you, no one should ever have to go 6 weeks without leaving this city, especially with the combination of (a) summer heat, (b) Ramadan, and (c) everything.

At any rate, less than 24 hours to go, whew. I can feel my passport pages twitching at the prospect of that exit stamp already. And why am I going to Singapore, you might ask?! Surely you know already, but if you have forgotten, THE ELEGANT SWALLOW IS GETTING MARRIED! And so I will travel across many oceans (well, 2) to go be the blondest, whitest bridesmaid in all of Southeast Asia.

Anyhow, I need an escape - Dubai is sucking the life out of me lately. New Job is great but other than that, blech. I'm hoping to become one of those people who just take their whole identity and happiness and fulfillment from work, because ain't nothin' else goin' on and frankly I would like to ignore my recent realization that, in Schmom's words, I do kind of live in "the heinous asshole capital of the world." But more and more, nights of drinking with the flatmates and going to bars full of Uzbek prostitutes and coming home to pass out in my saj wrap are just not doing it for me.

All this (and the constant election coverage) has led me to be inexplicably homesick for the USA as of late. In fact, I have taken to playing Brooks and Dunn "Only in America" on my drive to work and sometimes, when a particularly rage-inducing Indian in a 1988 Toyota Corolla cuts me off after I've already sat in 35 minutes of traffic to get to my office which is not even 1 mile from my house (but unwalkable thanks to continued 120F heat and something about it not being professional to walk into work having just lost 1/3 of my body weight in sweat), I get teary-eyed at the lyrics/spectacle of it all... "oh, but we do dream in red white and blue! and these people dream in asshole!"

Whatevs, this city - like anywhere - is all about ups and downs and ebbs and flows and I feel level-headed enough to know that this is just an annoying phase (and if I'm level-headed about something... well, wow). But particularly during the Month o' Hypocrisy (Exhibit A: VIP Ramadan tents all over the city - so much for solidarity with the poor during this holy time of alms and fasting!), it is easy easy to get annoyed.

Which is why tomorrow I will board an 8-hour flight to go to a slightly less psychotic boomtown and see amazing people who have known me for 9 years and cry tears of happiness for Jules and young love and old friends and eat a lot of really really really good Malay / Tamil / Chinese food from hawker stalls with nary a hummus in sight.

Nary a hummus in sight! And did I mention it's only 90F in Singapore this weekend?!

Baby's First Night Out

It's 3 AM... do you know where your consultants are?!

Tonight was my first "office drinks/dinner" for the new job, and I have to say: (a) I had high expectations and (b) those expectations were met. After dating le français (who worked for a different but similar consulting firm) for so long, I had a lot of experience attending consultant team-building nights as a "significant other"... but it's a lot more fun when you're there in your own right. I have to say, 9 hours of drinks/food/dancing/schmoozing with partners - all on the company dime - is kind of fun, not to mention that it is soooooo extremely refreshing to work and socialize with people who aren't idiots. What a revelation.

For a preview of my new world, check out hilarious "Consultants vs. Bankers " video on YouTube, if you haven't already seen it. The sad thing is that I have used both "the 5 forces" and "the 3 Cs" in the past 36 hours... but my favorite line is definitely "hold up, I'm 'bout to put you in a 2-by-2 matrix ... you're in the lower right quadrant but you still ain't my dawg."

In other news, despite the five-year multiple entry visa in my passport and the two new abayas in my closet, it looks like I'm not going to Saudi right away. Basically the client hadn't signed, and hadn't signed, and hadn't signed, and so finally we're giving up and reallocating people to different projects. But all is not lost, because the new case I'm getting staffed on as of Sunday will allegedly require me to split my time between Dubai, [redacted Southeast Asian country], and [redacted Caribbean country]. Um... okay. Twist my arm. Just get me out of Dubai. ;)

Night night!

Earthquake!

Never a dull day in Dubai... we just got evacuated from my office thanks to a 6.1 magnitude earthquake across the Gulf in Iran. First time I've ever felt a quake, and it was a bit unnerving - I felt like someone was standing behind me shaking my chair, and I looked up thinking I was crazy, and then I noticed a couple other colleagues looking up, looking like they were thinking they were crazy, and then the next thing we knew everyone was streaming out of the building. Ha.

At any rate, everything here in Dubai seems to be fine, but I still feel a little queasy from the shaking... remind me never to move to California! (Not that that was ever going to happen, anyhow...)

The Saudi Solution

Good morning! Let's start off the week with some updates on KSA, as I am getting really excited to ship off (yeah, I need a change - more on that later) in the coming weeks, once our client finally signs and we get moving on the project.

***

Some highlights from the US State Department's International Travel Information on Saudi Arabia:

Saudi Arabia is a monarchy ruled by a king chosen from and by members of the Al Saud family. The king rules through royal decrees issued in conjunction with the Council of Ministers ... Islamic law is the basis of the authority of the monarchy and provides the foundation of the country’s conservative customs and social practices.

Women visitors and residents are required to be met by their sponsor upon arrival. Women traveling alone, who are not met by sponsors, have experienced delays before being allowed to enter the country.

Women considering relocating to Saudi Arabia should be keenly aware that women and children residing in Saudi Arabia as members of a Saudi household ... are considered household property and require the permission of the Saudi male head of their household to leave the country.

[Ed. Note: I will not - whew! - be a member of a Saudi household.]

The Department of State urges U.S. citizens to consider carefully the risks of traveling to Saudi Arabia. There is an on-going security threat due to the continued presence of terrorist groups, some affiliated with al Qaida, who may target Western interests, housing compounds, and other facilities where Westerners congregate. These terrorist groups may also target Saudi Government facilities and economic/commercial targets within the Kingdom.

Although terrorists have not conducted a successful attack against Westerners since February 2007, the United States Mission in Saudi Arabia remains an unaccompanied post as a result of continued security concerns.

American citizens who choose to visit Saudi Arabia are strongly urged to avoid staying in hotels or housing compounds that do not apply stringent security measures and are also advised to maintain good situational awareness when visiting commercial establishments frequented by Westerners. American citizens also are advised to keep a low profile; vary times and routes of travel; exercise caution while driving, entering or exiting vehicles; and ensure that travel documents and visas are current and valid.

Street crime is generally not a problem for travelers in Saudi Arabia. However, private Saudi citizens who perceive that a foreigner is not observing conservative standards of conduct may harass, pursue, or assault that person.

Saudi customs authorities enforce strict regulations concerning importation into Saudi Arabia of such banned items as alcohol products, weapons and any item that is held to be contrary to the tenets of Islam, such as pork products and pornography. Imported and domestic audiovisual media and reading matter are censored. Saudi customs and postal officials broadly define what is contrary to Islam, and therefore prohibited. Christmas decorations, fashion magazines, and "suggestive" videos may be confiscated and the owner subject to penalties and fines.

Islam is the official religion of the country and pervades all aspects of life in Saudi Arabia. Public display of non-Islamic religious articles such as crosses and Bibles is not permitted. Travel to Makkah (Mecca) and Medina, the cities where the two holiest mosques of Islam are located, is forbidden to non-Muslims.

The norms for public behavior in Saudi Arabia are extremely conservative, and religious police, known as Mutawwa, are charged with enforcing these standards. Mutawwa are required to carry special identification and usually are accompanied by uniformed police; however, in some cases they have detained persons even without police presence. To ensure that conservative standards of conduct are observed, the Saudi religious police have accosted or arrested foreigners, including U.S. citizens, for improper dress or other alleged infractions, such as consumption of alcohol or association by a female with a male to whom she is not related. While most incidents have resulted only in inconvenience or embarrassment, the potential exists for an individual to be physically harmed or deported.

The Saudi Embassy in Washington advises women traveling to Saudi Arabia to dress in a conservative fashion, wearing ankle-length dresses with long sleeves, and not to wear trousers in public. In many areas of Saudi Arabia, particularly Riyadh and the central part of the Kingdom, Mutawwa pressure women to wear a full-length black covering known as an Abaya, and to cover their heads. Most women in these areas therefore wear an Abaya and carry a headscarf to avoid being accosted. Women who appear to be of Arab or Asian origin, especially those presumed to be Muslims, face a greater risk of being confronted.

[Ed. Note: Ain't no one gonna be presuming I'm Muslim. Dodged a bullet with that one. But Riyadh = Abayaland, nonetheless.]

Some Mutawwa try to enforce the rule that men and women who are beyond childhood years may not mingle in public unless they are family or close relatives. Mutawwa may ask to see proof that a couple is married or related. Women who are arrested for socializing with a man who is not a relative may be charged with prostitution. Some restaurants, particularly fast-food outlets, have refused to serve women who are not accompanied by a close male relative. In addition, many restaurants no longer have a "family section" in which women are permitted to eat. These restrictions are not always posted, and in some cases women violating this policy have been arrested. This is more common in Riyadh and the more conservative central Nejd region.

[Ed. Note: Should be interesting given that my entire team from work is male. And we'll be based in Riyadh. So much for jaunts to Starbucks with the colleagues.]

In public, dancing, playing music and showing movies are forbidden.

Saudi authorities do not permit criticism of Islam or the royal family. The government prohibits the public practice of religions other than Islam. Non-Muslims suspected of violating these restrictions have been jailed. Homosexual activity is considered to be a criminal offense and those convicted may be sentenced to lashing, prison, or death.

***

Yay, yay, KSA!

No, but really yay, I'm not saying that ironically. Despite the above (and perhaps because of it, knowing me), I am super-excited to start spending the majority of my weeks out of Dubai for the next couple months - and my weekends somewhere else altogether, thanks to that wonderful perk of consulting known as the weekly fly-back budget. (Why fly "back" when you can fly... to Yemen or Eritrea or Kenya or the Maldives?!)

I don't know how or when exactly it happened, but I've been feeling slightly nonplussed with the DXB as of late. Maybe it's the 14-month itch, maybe it's fallings-out I've had recently with a couple of friends, maybe it's turning 27 and realizing that I only have 3 years left to become an adult, maybe it's just that I'm in a rut and I need to get away for a bit longer than my usual 48-hour weekend excursions. At any rate, don't worry, I don't think the sheen has worn off, I just think it needs to be... polished a bit. By spending time in... Saudi Arabia. Because that's... normal.

WHATEVER, GO WITH IT.

In the meantime, tonight I am going to dinner at my Older Wiser American Friend M's house. She has a husband. And dogs. And furniture that's not from Ikea. And plans to have a baby soon. And all of that seems SO VERY CIVILIZED and wonderful. Granted, the husband's away on a business trip and the dogs are at the kennel and we plan on cracking open several bottles of wine from their cellar, but still. It will be nice to hang out with someone in this city who is not from Demographic Group: Crazy.

For once.

Ramadan, Marathon, and Party Time

First of all, Ramadan is upon us, so Ramadan Kareem to all my readers. May you experience all the blessings of this holy month - or may you have enough granola bars hidden in your purse to make it through 30 days of no public eating.

Or may you just be in a country that allows everyone to do their own thing. Whatevs.

Second of all, I'd like to get some respect for the fact that I fiiiiiiiiiiinally started my training for the Beirut Marathon (30 November, baby) tonight by doing a steamy early-evening 8-miler in Za'abeel Park. I'm telling you: rarely, if ever, has 8 miles been so hard. Hard to the point that about 5 miles in, I started running through the park's tepid sprinklers - even though I know for a fact that the water they use for watering grass here is FULL OF FECES (cf. we live in the desert, make due with what you have) - because I was so freaking hot. When I got home around 9:30 PM, I checked weather.com and was like "Ohhhhhhh... current temperature 94F, feels like 104F, humidity 56%... THAT'S why it sucked so much!" Ew.

Third of all, what a weekend. By now you've probably seen the pictures of our post-birthday/pre-Ramadan party on Facebook, but let me just say, it was one for the ages. According to the sign-in data from our building's reception desk, we had 112 discrete visitors during the course of the evening, and that's not counting guests-of-guests who didn't sign in. (Look how quantitative I am now that I'm a consultant. Would you like me to make you a ThinkCell graph?!) I think everyone I know in Dubai was there, and I feel like I got a taste of what my wedding will be like: I wanted to talk to everyone but didn't have time, everyone kept telling me how pretty my dress was, and I kept telling everyone how cheap my dress was. Ha. Although in ex-BF R's words, "hopefully your wedding night won't end with you thowing up in Flatmate E's toilet."

Knowing me, though, never say never...