Slices of Life

A few random photos from the past month-ish...















Exploring the construction site of our project with my new team - intern KH (Emirati) and colleague A (Indian-Canadian). Don't you feel like this is some kind of staged propaganda shot about Dubai bringing people from different cultures together? Conspicuously missing is my new insane, Cambridge-educated, ex-magician, ex-standup comedian British boss, but he was taking the photo...















We regulate. Clearly.




















Who would have guessed that this "tree" was actually made of polystyrene covered with plaster and fiberglass?! It's like the most Dubai tree ever.




















Sometimes on a random Tuesday night, your male roommate decides to dress up like a local woman...




















... and you support him by contributing big sunglasses and a designer handbag so he can fully rock the local look. The attitude is all his, though.















Any given weekend night with M + A (Jojo conspicuously missing).















E's birthday haram-per, brimming with enough gift-wrapped pork and booze to sustain him throughout this, his 26th year of life.















Respect! Vehicular tribute to Sheikh Mo (right, current ruler of Dubai) and Sheikh Hamdan (left, inshallah the future ruler of Dubai).















KANYE!















With Ravs at Kanye (and yes, this is the famous Fendi bag I bought for $108 at a Dubai "couture consignment" shop).















Awwwwwww... rocking out in the desert. (Boy band, what?)

And speaking of "Awwwwwww"/kittens/vomiting in one's mouth, I'm off to Abu Dhabi for the weekend with Ravs - exciting since I have lived in Dubai for a combined total of 7 months now and never once visited the UAE's saner, more organized, less cracked-out capital, which is only a 2-hour drive away. Equally exciting is that we're staying here because they're in their "soft opening" phase and thus have insanely cheap deals. Mmmm, 5-star hotel tourism... ana aheb al khaleej (I heart the Gulf).

Forgive Me Culture, For I Have Sinned

So it's lunchtime at the office and I was just browsing through the NY Times online as I ate my soup. After perusing the main headlines, I came across a link to an article entitled "The Prado Makes Room to Show Off More Jewels." Not noticing what section it was in, and thinking they were talking about this Prado, I clicked eagerly on the link - what exciting features could they be adding to the de rigeur SUV that rules Dubai's roads? "Room"? "More jewels"?! What did it all meeeeeean... bigger engines? Better stereos? Swarovski crystal-encrusted dashboards? How could you make a Land Cruiser any more pimpin' than it already is?!

Then imagine my dismay when I followed the link and realized that the article was, in fact, talking about this Prado.

And picture my further dismay when I realized that yes, I had actually been more excited to read an article about an updated version of a luxury 4x4 than to read an article about a new wing at one of the world's most famous art museums.

Verily, I say unto you, this country will make a Philistine out of me yet.

Que Le Monde Est Petit

Okay this will be a whirlwind post but I don't like to go more than a week without updating lest any of you stalwart work-procrastinators lose interest and start (haram!) having to do something productive on the company dime rather than read my blog, sooooooooooo...

Life is good. As of last week, I officially switched projects within my company and am now staffed on a fantastic new endeavor which is much more realistic (and more tailored to my interests) than the development I came here to work on. No details in the interest of not pulling a T!ff@ny & Co (the debacle which prompted my super blog-secrecy) but if you want to know the story, email me.

The greatest thing about my new job - besides the new job itself and my crazy wonderful British boss, who dropped the F-bomb about 60 times in the first minute I ever spoke with him ("no but it's going to be F'ing FABULOUS! and you're going to be bloody PERFECT for the job! it's all so F'ing BRILLIANT!") - is my amazing Emirati intern KH, who already in 3 days has managed to answer virtually all of the pressing questions I've wanted to ask locals for the past 4 months but been hesitant to share. She's the most fascinating person I've encountered in Dubai because she's a hard-core local (22, born and raised here, wears abaya and veil, lives with her big extended family, has friends who are sheikhas) but she's totally, totally open-minded and outgoing and willing to talk about absolutely everything. (So much so that I showed her photos of my birthday cake featuring Sheikh Hamdan and she thought they were hilarious.)

It's interesting how someone can be so worldly but still very traditional. In the course of a couple hours we went from talking about the upcoming Justin Timberlake concert in Abu Dhabi and how she doesn't cover when she travels in Europe, to talking about how - at a very liberal university professor's urging - she Googled "images of the Prophet Mohammed" and then got goose bumps when she saw the results. (It's hard to understand coming from a Judeo-Christian background, but I think that for Muslims - whose faith prohibits depiction of the human form and ABOVE ALL of the prophet - that's a really mind-blowing thing to do.)

On a different (but related) note, I had drinks last night with two American girls, both of whom moved to Dubai about a month ago and both of whom happen to be friends-of-friends from back home. My biggest takeaway from the encounter was that wow, I'm really lucky to have made the friends here that I have. It wasn't that the girls weren' t cool - they were perfectly nice (although there was a LOT of Blackberrying going on at the bar and come on, nobody who's 26 is that important at 11 PM on a Monday night). It was more that I didn't "click" with them, and I was surprised by the contrast because I connected with my core group of friends here so easily that I had assumed it was merely a function of being in Dubai. Since we're all out of our element, I thought, we naturally connect with people who come from similar backgrounds. But the more interlopers I meet, the more I realize that I lucked out; I think I'd have a whole different take on life here if I hadn't happened to meet the 3 or 4 specific people who are most important in my life here right off the bat. Funny how coincidence shapes the expat experience.

Speaking of coincidence, I was getting groceries after work yesterday evening and who did I turn a corner and run smack dab into with my shopping cart but an old friend from DC - a 40something Peacock regular who I waited on for years and who actually helped set me up with my first "job job" after college. Anyhow, after the initial shock and me screaming "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" several times in the Indian foods aisle, he was like "What are you doing here?!" and I was like "I live here, what are you doing here?!" and he was like "I live here too!"

Dude. The world is too small. And Dubai is clearly its locus. I am expecting to run into, like, my gymnastics coach from when I was 13 in Tennessee next.

Through the Looking Glass, Darkly

So I was just walking down the hall at my office and a tall, blond, attractive, well-dressed British girl about my age came out of the elevator, engrossed in conversation with several of my male dishdash-clad Emirati colleagues. And it was so funny because my initial reaction - before my brain even had time to process the situation - was "Oh my gosh that girl must be such a joke, I bet they don't take her seriously at all."

It wasn't that she looked like a bimbo; quite the contrary, in fact. But something about how Western she looked - stylish suit, high heels, long blond hair - juxtaposed against how "Eastern" my local colleagues looked was very jarring. So after my initial reaction of "They must not take her seriously," my next thought was, "Oh wow, that must be how I come off to people when I'm with my colleagues!" The crazy part is that I really like most of my male Emirati colleagues and have never felt disrespected by them for being a Western female - so it's crazy how stereotypes and gut reactions persist even when you've lived through experiences counter to them.

In other news, I think I may have just had a rage blackout sitting at my computer trying to pay bills online. Let me just preface this by saying that I have been here for almost 4 months and have yet to receive a single bill for any of the myriad things that I am allegedly supposed to be paying for on a monthly basis (landline, cable, internet, water/electricity, credit card, car loan, road tolls, etc). Why have I never received a bill? Because they are sent through the mail. Why is this a problem? Because there is no mail system. I mean, there's something called Emirates Post, but as far as I can tell it's run by a cadre of orangutans who receive my MasterCard statement, chew on it for a while, drag it through some poo, and then bury it under a pile of banana peels.

(NOTE TO SCHMOM AND DAD: I know it makes you nervous that I will get fired/deported when I talk bad about anything here. But Sheikh Mo likes people who speak truth to power and I honestly think he would agree with me on this. If Dubai is really going to be #1 in the world at everything - and it is, because Big Mo hath deemed it so - then I really think having postal services is as good a place as any to start.)

Anyhow, in light of my inability to receive anything through the mail and in light of the complete dearth of carrier pigeons in the UAE, I've been trying to pay online - which is amusing, insofar as it's an exercise in funny translations (telling me to "please choose a friendly name" - nickname?! - for the bank account I'm registering; admonishing me that "much time has passed since your last response!" when I've been logged out due to inactivity). Conveniently though, the error messages I get anytime I try to actually pay for anything are spot-on... and thus, I am apparently going to have to become a fugitive from the law and/or have some interesting run-ins with Emirati debt collection officers.

What else is new. Last weekend involved a lot of World Cup rugby, a lot of going out (since the clubs have now all reopened, post-Ramadan), and a lot of 5 AM Zaatar W Zeit. Respect. Ooh and Wednesday night I drank free Dom Perignon and saw Hugh Grant at Trilogy.

This weekend should be equally crazy since the Desert Rhythm Festival is bringing - wait for it - none other than KANYE WEST to Dubai. A friend's egregious roommate (mentioned previously for his ownership of a G-Wagon and an Aston Martin... now featuring an Escalade en plus) has connections with the promoter who's bringing him here, which means game ooooooooooooon afterparty with Kanye. I ain't sayin' she a golddigger, but...

(Wow, remember that time like 3 years ago when I was all domestic and living with le français and my life consisted of baking muffins [that's for you, MAF] and playing house and listening to Miles Davis over candlelight and confit de canard? And do you kind of feel like now I've regressed back to being an overcaffeinated 22 year-old who's like "Wait, what, shiny things?! SHINY SHINY!" I blame/thank Dubai.)

"Fear and Money in Dubai"

When you have some free time on your hands and/or have tired of watching my Ethiopia videos, this article from the New Left Review is a fantastic and extremely intelligent (though longish) analysis of the "new Mecca of conspicuous consumption and economic crime" - aka, where I live.

I think the author overstates the importance of oil as a driver in Dubai's economic growth (it's only 5% of the GDP, though you wouldn't know it from the way he talks), nor would I call Dubai "on the rim of the warzone" (being over 1,000 miles from Baghdad, Beirut, or Kabul, I'm not really sure which "warzone" he means - I guess this is a reflection of Americans thinking the Middle East fits into 10 city blocks).

Those two caveats aside, however, the rest is dead-on and makes for a great read... and way more insight into life in the Gulf than The Kingdom, which - regrettably - I just sat through. (The highlight of seeing it here was realizing that certain parts - like when the Americans talk trash about Muslims getting virgins in heaven - weren't translated into the Arabic subtitles. Nice try...)

My Big Fat Ethiopian Wedding

My oh my. Ethiopia has come and gone, and what a fabulous trip it was.

The pictures tell the story - check them out on Facebook (not here, because uploading images to Blogger is more frustrating than trying to get charged a fair price by an Addis taxi driver). And as always, be sure to click through the individual photos for my witty captions. (Ha - because I apparently do not believe that a picture is worth a thousand words.)

Then after viewing the photos - and only after, so that you may understand the full context and background - you may watch the videos below (with sound, please). And then you may tell me that yes, truly this was the coolest travel experience I have ever had, and you now understand why I went to Ethiopia. (And you haven't even seen all the jewelry I bought.)

[Technical note for people like Schmom who might - no offense - be monkeys: if the videos are skipping, hit "pause" as they're downloading and wait until the grey bar gets all the way to the right before you hit "play" again. Also, this here device you're using is called the interwebs. It's a series of tubes.]

Eid Mubarak!

The sun is shining, the mercury in Dubai is dropping, and in an hour R will be arriving to give me + Al + M a lift to the airport, where inshallah we'll be wheels up at 6 and sipping tej (honey wine) in Addis by 10, enjoying the balmy 60-F reprieve from desert heat and plotting our whirlwind trek through northern Ethiopia.

Life really does go on. Let this be a note of encouragement to us all.

Since I won't be online in Ethiopia, let me take this chance to say Eid Mubarak to all 2 of my Muslim readers... but I hope the blessings of Ramadan have touched you all nonetheless. See you when I get back from Africa!

(And keep your fingers crossed that we don't get fleas in Lalibela because apparently... we will.)

"Obscene, Outside Missions"

Things I'm quite chuffed about:

1. Ethiopia in 2 days, YAHOO!
2. Possible business trip to London, 17-20 October. Brits/British residents, prepare ye the way.
3. November long weekend in Madrid for K's 30th birthday?
4. Goa for New Year's. Free villas and we're chartering a plane from Dubai. Hook it UP, and more importantly, let me know if you want to come with.
5. Rapprochement and Let's Be Friends with housemate Javs. Now we can all sleep easier at night (literally and figuratively).
6. 2 consecutive weekends of boating/wakeboarding/drinking by the pool that have left me tan enough to play "indiscriminately ethnic" myself. (Hey, if Angelina Jolie can play "black"...)
7. The impending end of Ramadan. Yes I'm loving the hours and the holiness, but I can't wait to be able to wear skirts and drink coffee on my way to work again.
8. The email I just got from my company's (Emirati-staffed) compliance department: "Effective from 9th October 2007, the following article(s) of this internal circular should be implemented. Article No. 1: All employees should inform their line managers or/and CEO’s Personal Assistant incase of obscene, outside missions such as meetings and site visits." Lost in translation, what? BLESS!

Things I'm less than ecstatic (eg, not chuffed) about:

1. The fact that I will be eating rice/beans until mid-2008 in order to finance upcoming travels.
2. 3 parking tickets and 1 speeding fine in the past 7 days. Yes, that leaves me AED 550 poorer (and no, I won't do the conversion into USD - it's too painful).
3. My (now seemingly official) 5 kg weight gain over the course of 3 months in Dubai. Again, I won't convert into Amrikan units because it's too painful, but you can do the math.
4. I got into my car this morning at 7 AM - cracked out and running on 4 hours of sleep and yearning for coffee - and turned on the radio. For reasons unknown to me, some deep, vestigial, ancestrally buried part of me expected to hear the piano music from the beginning of "Morning Edition" - so when instead of NPR, it was a stupid Radio One ad about registering to win a free Lexus for Eid, I almost burst into tears. And that was probably my first real moment of homesickness since being in Dubai.
5. Speaking of living in a place where materialism is substituted for intellectualism, I was at a friend's flat last night and we were browsing through his roommate's AppleTV looking for movies to watch. So we stumbled across the roomie's iTunes playlists and to my shock and horror, they look something like this: "Arabic, Aston 1, Aston 2, Aston 3, Aston 4, Aston 5, G-Wagon 1, G-Wagon 2, G-Wagon 3, House Party..." etc. Now I'm not trying to be a hater, but in my opinion it's already egregious to own USD $200,000+ worth of cars when you're 28 (Mercedes G-Class and Aston Martin are two of the biggest status cars here, for the uninitiated - and by means unknown to me, the roommate owns both). So I hope you'll agree that it's even more egregious to have specific playlists devoted to each of your ostentatious pieces of auto bling. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
6. My intense desire to have a grande skim Starbuck's latte at my desk right now, and my intense inability to do so.
7. This article makes me want to cry. Or laugh. Both, I guess.

... and I will leave it there instead of thinking up gripes 8, 9, and 10 because clearly, I have more to be chuffed than un-chuffed about.

UPDATE: Whilst writing this post, I received the following email correction - I apologize there was a mistake in the internal circular No. 4 which sent previously. Please find attached the revised Internal Circular No. 4 – 2007, regarding the attendance control and ignore the version sent previously. - it seems that "obscene" was meant to be "absence." Brilliant.

Living the Dream

The other day, a girl I work with announced her engagement and all my coworkers started ululating in celebration.

I think I have always dreamed of having a job where ululation would be part of my workplace environment.

Speaking of living the dream, if you don't quite have your fill of Gubblogging, check out Japancakes2 - the Lil' Gubbs big trip back to Japan. Were you that cool when you were 18?!

(Neither was I.)